Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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