who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
