i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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