nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
