Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
