my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
