he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
