what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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