I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Dick very happy bro
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
