I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
