what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
