I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
