I hope mine doesn't look like that
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
