so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
