He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
