Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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