I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
