yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
