Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize