This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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