Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
