it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
