if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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