Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
