Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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