Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
