I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
