You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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