I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
