I'm gonna have a badass scar
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
either way he was missing a nipple.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
