my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How external is "for external use only"?
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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