About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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