just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
