I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
