due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry about my life...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
