brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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