its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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