My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
