Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
