After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
