wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize