the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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