if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
