just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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