Whod you bang
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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