she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
