i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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