So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize