My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
