these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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