Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
