But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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