White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I miss vodka workout Fridays
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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