In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
