it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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