K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
