Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
