You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
