There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
