Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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