Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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