He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize