Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
