i always forget guys have bellybuttons
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
