it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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