She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
