Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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