walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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