my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
