So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
