she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
3 2 1 whiskey
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
