I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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