haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize